I don’t know if you’ve seen the new Batman V Superman trailer that premiered at Comic Con this year but it shows more of Superman’s parents being super shitty. In Man of Steel Pa Kent tells Superman to let kids die in order to keep the secret that he’s invulnerable and super strong. Later he even commits suicide by tornado for the same stupid reason. In the new trailer Ma Kent starts off well enough by telling Superman to help everybody, then she immediately nosedives into the sage advice of helping absolutely no one because he doesn’t owe them anything. What’s the lesson the Kents are trying so hard to drill into their child? It sure seems like it’s, “Look out for number one no matter who dies as a result.” Don’t try to sell me the line that they’re just looking out for their child because he’s the DAMN SUPERMAN!! He isn’t gonna get hurt, it’s okay that he walks the ten feet to save the dog, you morons.

CALL CHILD SERVICES